Lyte presents “Womxn at Lyte,” a series of conversations highlighting the voices of our womxn.
Q: As a child, what did you think you wanted to be, and how do you think you came to that decision?
When I was very small, I wanted to be a teacher, and that was purely because those were the role models in my life. I was not thinking about teaching. I thought they were cool, and I was definitely the kid that hung around them after school. As I got older, I thought I would do something in writing, whether it was journalism or there was a brief moment in time where I was like, “Wow. Maybe I could write a book someday.”
Q: What would your younger self be most surprised about your life today?
I don’t think that my younger self was thinking about my life long-term or my future. Even in high school, I was like, “I don’t want to go to college.” But then that was the next logical step, so I went to college. So I don’t know that I would be surprised. I definitely have changed so much in my life that I never pretend that how I feel today will be the same in five years, even.
Q: What do you think is the hardest part of what you do for a living?
I think that one’s easy. It’s stopping. It’s balance. I think there’s just – so much to do. We have so much to accomplish. The list is never finished. It becomes important to be intentional about stopping, being intentional about finding balance and it’s hard. Some days I’m like, “Hey, I’m doing great and taking care of myself! I have a schedule that includes human beings and exercise.” And then that just completely falls off sometimes. And I have to reset. So that’s definitely the hardest thing, I think, about this job. When you’ve got so much going on, how do you stop? You know?
The fact that it comes in waves. Sometimes I’m more disciplined about it, and I think that’s OK. Then there are other times, too, when the right thing to do is just to lay on the couch, right? And not do anything. It’s leaving some grace and flexibility in knowing what is right for right now. I don’t know if I have hard and fast rules, but you have to be honest with yourself. I think therapy is also a really good gut check. Like, you know, when you talk to a therapist who’s like, “Yeah. Do you know why you feel terrible? Because you’re not taking care of yourself.”
Q: What lesson took you the longest to unlearn?
This is an interesting question. The hardest lesson to learn was that working hard & perfectionism was a way to cope with insecurities. I think I always thought that my anxiety was separate from the side of me that is hardworking or a perfectionist. But no, they’re actually completely related. If I’m feeling anxious, then I throw myself into work. I chase this idea that it’ll make me feel better. But really, it’s deeply tied to feeling insecure. Working hard is a way to cope with feeling unworthy. So, if my response is to work harder, maybe taking a step back and asking why is helpful. I wish I had learned that earlier. I think another thing that I’m working on unlearning is remembering that I can only control my own actions, so I should stop worrying about outcomes dictated by other people.
Q: What have you accomplished recently that would have shocked you a year ago?
I don’t know that I have ideas about what next year will look like. So it’s hard to say what last year I would have been shocked about today. I just want comfort, security, wellness for me and the people around me. And I look around at what else I could do to bring that just one step outside of that circle. That seems like more than enough to accomplish. I’m not one of those super planners– I mean I think I am ambitious in a lot of ways. Because I’m always trying to get the next thing. But I don’t have this long view of what that means, you know? I’m very lucky. I have a lot of opportunities already. So it’s not like I’m chasing more and more. Or that there's things missing in my life. I already have a lot of the things that I want. I feel like maybe that’s what my younger self would be surprised about. It’s just I have so much more than I think I ever anticipated or wanted in so many ways. And that has just grown and grown and grown. I mean we have a house, for example. I don’t know that I ever thought that we would have a house. I didn’t have all these aspirations. So now that I do, what more could I ask for? Like there’s so much already.
Q: What are you most afraid of? Failure or success?
I think failure because I hate to let people down which goes back to the whole perfectionism as a crutch. I set these standards that are higher than anyone has for me. It’s funny when I think about if I worry about success or not, I have a hard time even recognizing success. It takes me a long time to realize if I’ve accomplished something. I think I’m focused on the moment and so it’s harder to look back and be like, “Oh shit. look how far I’ve come.” I don’t – it usually takes somebody else to recognize it and say, “Hey that was awesome,” or “Like good job!” Otherwise, I don’t think about it very much.
Q: What’s non-negotiable in your life?
Respect. Especially as I get older. If there’s no respect in the room, I shut down and go full Scorpio. And it’s hard for me to forget, you know if people are rude or mean – I mean you can – disagree, you can have disappointment. You can have frustration. But the second that there’s a lack of respect, it takes me so long to get back to functioning. Or to even being bought in anymore. So that feels kind of non-negotiable to me. Because I can’t thrive in that environment. I know that about myself. I’m such a Scorpio. Once you’ve crossed that line, it’s so hard for me to move forward. No matter how much I even want to, there’s still a part of me that’s just like, No, thank you. I wish I wasn’t as inflexible about it, but, yeah. I just know that about myself. There’s so much going on, we do not need to create more drama or pain!
Q: What can womxn create together?
That’s fun to think about. I think this is going to sound so grandiose. But I’m going to just say it anyway. I feel like women can create liberation. Because when I look at the women around me, they’re all super hardworking, and they all put the group first. I feel like that’s an amazing combination, right? What a powerful combination that all the women I know are extremely hardworking and put the group first. How much more free would we be if we leveraged that!
Q: What’s the most exciting improvement for womxn in the industry or in general?
This one was kind of hard for me. I see a lot of women in positions of power on the operating side, which is great. It goes back to what I said about them being super hard working and putting the group first, which is so important for an operation. Women get it done and get it done well. And I see that in the industry. But I want to see more women in decision-making positions. Because that’s still an opportunity– I’ve been in the industry now for 12 years. And so, when I think about the people I’ve come up with in the industry, I don’t know how many of them are making key decisions at the top. And so, on the one hand, I’m excited that they’re on the operational side making decisions. But I can’t wait to see them making decisions at the top.
Q: What title would you give this chapter in your life?
Unafraid. I definitely worry about things all the time but that is different than being afraid. I think it’s a function of me getting older. I know myself better. I know my value better. I know that I’m capable, I trust my track record. I’m not afraid. If anything comes up I feel like I’ll be able to meet it. So that’s what I would say. I don’t know how humble that sounds! Especially because I think we’ve all gone through so much in the last few years, right? No matter where you were a few years ago, or what you went through in the last few years, I think we’ve all gotten a little bit closer to understanding who we are, what’s important to us, how we view our own value. And that just leads to more feelings of “I can handle it.” Right? So, yeah. Hopefully, lots of people feel that way.
Q: What do you enjoy most about what you do at Lyte?
I think I can’t help but be passionate about the mission. I fell into ticketing over a decade ago. I was in primary ticketing and then I was on the event producer side and I was confronted with so many of the industry's problems. There are so many inefficiencies and everyone is hurt by them. I’m the type of person where if there’s something broken, I can’t help but want to fix it. It’s really satisfying to be taking an active role in solving those problems that I felt as an operator but also just as a fan. The other part of my job that I love is taking what you have and turning it into more. That’s at the heart of the mission at Lyte - how do we fill more seats, how do we create more yield, etc. It’s also at the heart of growing a business. It’s super hard but in the end, it can be super satisfying.
Womxn at Lyte featuring Caroline Nicholson, Director of Client Services at Lyte